Paid £40 for all-you-can eat eggs and bottomless mimosas and feeling sluggish halfway through? Have you taken enough photos? What are you wearing? With my Bottomless Brunch Package, I’ll not only guide you from which brunch to choose from (Does it even have a photo booth? Why are there no over-priced small plates? How many mirrors does the venue have?) but I’ll curate your presence throughout the meal. ![]() ![]() The influencer market is saturated with their job titles, though, so I’ve brainstormed some new ones that I think I’ll try and make a living from. If these guys are making enough cash to live just from telling other people to chill out but also get off their arse and do something, (I assume that’s a ‘meditation and motivation’ session?), who am I to criticise them? And by ‘right’, I mean something that earns them massive amounts out of money. I’d love to sit here and lay into people younger than me, but look at the fucking house they’re in – they’re doing something right. Do people remember we’ve got Netflix now? Why does TikTok exist when we’ve got the best TV and all the films in the world? I know Tenet was weird but, hey, at least you’re ripping your hair out over it! A car boot! I mean, each to their own during lockdown, I guess – I was so bored at one point that I decided to try and remember the middle names of everyone I’ve ever slept with. One of the house’s most popular videos sees each of them test how close they can get to an automatic car boot door opening in front of their faces. ![]() I use the term ‘hilarious’ a bit like that colleague of yours who says, ‘Oh my God – that’s hilarious’ in response to an anecdote, all the while remaining stony-faced going through their emails. The gang of 20-somethings participate in hilarious challenges and have millions of views on the app.
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